the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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