Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
