I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
