I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
