I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
