I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
