party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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