Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
