handjob tips. give me some.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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