you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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