I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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