It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
why didn't you poke me back
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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