she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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