im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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