I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
