watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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