She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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