You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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