I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
