I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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