If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
