I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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