I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
