So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
