Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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