I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
that is very illegal...i love you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
