at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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