I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
