Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
