Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
