dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize