His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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