life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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