im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
