I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
