Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
