oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
