So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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