put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Randomize
