Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I want to have your abortion
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
