she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
