This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
