No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
