I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
