His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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