I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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