We're like a lot better than the average bears
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize
