Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
