His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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