so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
