My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
